Backbiting is one of the major sins that almost all of our society, including myself, freely indulges in without realizing how grave a sin it is. Even though it is common sense for people to know that backbiting is wrong, not just from an Islamic perspective but even from a mere ethical perspective. And a funny thing you'll find is that the more a person loves backbiting, the more they get hurt when they find out if someone has said something about them behind their backs which they find displeasing. Despite the fact that this is highly ironic, a reason behind it might be that the more a person indulges in sins, the more they start caring about what other people will say about them rather than what Allah thinks of them.
So what is backbiting exactly? It is to mention something about your brother that he would dislike having mentioned about him. [Sahih Muslim (2589)] Al-Hasan al-Basrî said: “Backbiting has three manifestations, all of which are discussed in Allah’s Book. They are: backbiting, tale-telling, and slander. As for backbiting, it is to say about your brother something that is true about him. Tale-telling is to say something that you have heard about him. Slander is to say about him what is not true.”
But let’s come to the gist of the matter; if it is actually so clear that backbiting is something wrong, that it causes rifts between relationships, that it hurts people and that it is also a MAJOR sin (Gunah-he-kabirah), then why do people still do not abstain from it? So what are the reasons which lead us to backbite and how can we stop ourselves:
- A person will intentionally backbite if he/she has a weak faith because if a person is conscious of the fact that Allah is Ever-Present, All-Aware and All-Knowing then they will never do something that they know is displeasing to Allah. Furthermore, having faith also means valuing the creations of Allah and not judging other people because only Allah knows what's in the hearts of men, and if we truly believe in that then we will not even think of backbiting.
- Also, when people talk a lot then they ultimately end up running short of good topics and hence turn to talking about other people and even if they initially start by talking about something good about someone they still usually end up by talking about bad qualities of people. Hence we need to find better activities then just talking, secondly we need to talk less and lastly even if and when we do talk, make it a habit that you don't talk about other people.
- Also realize that backbiting is never a solution to any problem, in fact it is a HUGE cause of problems, if you find something annoying about someone then either go up to them and let them know about it or ignore and move on because it can be very well so that if you find something annoying about someone then that same person also finds something annoying about you!
- Realize that nobody is perfect, in fact Perfection is a trait of Allah and so you have no reason to criticize other people, because if they have their faults then that's only human and you never know whether the sins that you criticize them for are the sins that they've already repented for. According to Al-Hasan, and as reported in At-Tirmidhee and other collections in marfoo' form (i.e. that the Prophet said): "Whosoever condemns his brother for a sin (he committed) that he repented from, will not die until he has committed it (i.e. the same sin) himself."
- Also if you want that Allah is not harsh in judging you then you should never be harsh in judging other people as well. Imam al-Ghazali stated, "The hypocrite looks for faults, the believer looks for excuses."
I hope these are enough solutions to make all of us stay away from this nasty sin. Please realize that backbiting is NOT a minor sin but it is a MAJOR sin and that we should always make a conscious effort to stay away from it and we should also seek refuge in Allah from it. May Allah guide us all and give us the will and determination to stay from vain desires and sins. Aameen!
