Nostalgia

This is a guest post by an amazing person who wishes to stay anonymous, may Allah Ta'ala accept his/her efforts in His way and grant him/her good beyond his/her expectations. If you benefit from the article then please remember the writer in your duas. Jazakumullahu khair.

I am holding my cup of tea and gazing out of the window on this chilly winter morning. I’m not a tea-person but I love feeling the warmth of the cup in my hands and the steam on the tip of my

otherwise freezing nose. I can see the blue sky with patches of white clouds and the dim sunlight falling on the adjacent apartments and I can hear this beautiful morning chirping of birds. I love this part of the day. I love mornings. Somehow the serenity and calmness of the morning always reminds me of the serenity and calmness of my childhood and sometimes I just wish that I could go back. I wish to go back to those early school days of innocence. Those days when the biggest worries were what your mother gave you for lunch today. And the biggest happiness was… well; I can’t remember what my biggest happiness was when I was that young. May be that’s because we found happiness in every little thing. We celebrated moments. We didn’t have smartphones, laptops, internet, wifi-signals-not-catching to worry about. We lived in the moment. We lived in the present. We didn’t hold on to grudges. We didn’t care if that girl called us fat last week, we’d still want to go to the swings with her. We didn’t care if our mother scolded us last night, we’d still want to hug her goodbye before leaving for school. We didn’t worry about what would happen next. We were all thoroughly convinced that everything ahead will be good. We always looked up to the happily ever after-we trusted that God had one for us.

We were disciplined and organized. I remember my mother giving us dinner at 7pm and tucking us in the bed by 8pm. We would wake up early in the morning. We would have breakfast. We would WANT to go to school. We would do our homework on time. We would pay attention in classes. We would respect our teachers. We loved our teachers. Everything that the teacher said was the only reality for us. Yes, we asked questions and explored but we trusted their words. We didn’t know how to argue. We didn’t feel insulted if we were corrected. We didn’t go into depression if we were punished. We had no sense of entitlement. We were grateful if someone gave us anything, no matter how small that thing was. We loved sharing. We loved people. We were happy and content with what we had... If only life could be that simple again.

But is it really life that has changed or is it us? Every human is born with these genuine traits of goodness. No one is born greedy, no one is born proud, and no one is born as a thief or a rapist or a murderer. The Asal and the Fitrah of each of us IS that pure and simple. If only we don’t fall prey to the desires and the temptations of the world, we would continue to be that pure. But this is how we are. We are bound to make mistakes because we are humans. But every time we make a mistake, there is that stingy feeling inside and there’s that voice that always tells us to STOP. That same feeling you had when you lied for the first time in your life. That feeling you had when you called someone with a bad name when you were young. That voice that told you not to pick that cute pen and keep it in your pocket because it didn’t belong to you. Every time we ignore that voice and we ignore that feeling, we lose some part of our innocence, we become somewhat numb to the reception of such feelings and we put a veil over that voice until one day, we become completely numb and our hearts are sealed.

No counselor, parent, teacher, friend can change anything then.  The heart becomes so hardened that even the word of God doesn’t melt it (illa ma sha Allah – except if God wills). So, till when would you and I keep killing that voice that comes from the inside? Are we waiting for the seal to be placed? The seal that hardens the heart and shuts the doors of guidance, the seal that blinds the eyes and deafens the ears, this seal gives me shivers. The Qur’an e Kareem declares about such people:

“And We have certainly created for Hell many of the jinn and mankind. They have hearts with which they do not understand, they have eyes with which they do not see, and they have ears with which they do not hear. Those are like livestock; rather, they are more astray. It is they who are the heedless.”

-         Surah Al-A’raf, Ayah 179

As I write this deficient collection of random thoughts, the sun outside has become brighter and my cup of tea has finished. The chirping of the birds has become distant and I listen to the cars as they honk. The day has started. Another day has started. And this new day gives me new hope. It gives me that feeling that you get when you are attempting a really lengthy exam and you have suddenly remembered the answer to a question but you think the time is over, you don’t even have time to look at the clock and then the invigilator says: “You have five minutes left.” Let’s just say that this new day is like those five unexpected minutes you get in an examination. It’s your choice now whether to sit and stare at the paper or to pick up the pen and write without wasting any more time.